Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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