I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
