do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
