We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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