its not stalking. its research.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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