UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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