hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it glows. i had to have it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
