So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
