I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm too high and old for this...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
