I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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