She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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