Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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