Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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