I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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