Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
