I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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