Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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