There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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