i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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