Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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