I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
