Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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