HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
