my mouth tastes like poor choices
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
