I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
