There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize