Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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