Are we in a gay sports bar?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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