He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
