I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
