And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
