I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
