You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
