I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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