She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
