Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
