Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
