omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize