I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
