its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
