I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
