So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
