Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
