After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
