she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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