escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
