don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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