Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
