i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
