So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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