I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
