Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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