I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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