It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He did a backflip because drugs
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