guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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