i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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