I skipped work to stalk him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
