I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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