I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
