Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
