Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
