she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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