I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
