How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
