Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
