Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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