Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
