ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
third nipple confirmed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
