so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
