last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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